23 MARCH

A girl told me today that I'd never be elected president in the polictical atmosphere of 2008. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years! And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!

22 MARCH

Nixon would never steal candy from a child. That truth-o-scope was faulty. Well, Nixon would never steal candy from a child unless it was for the childs good. Yes, that's it. If it was good for the child for Nixon to have the candy, Nixon would have no choice but to remove the candy from the aforementioned child. Only possible choice, really.